Imagine...you're a fish just swimming along in peaceful, cool waters heading toward an area that promises tasty snacks and maybe even some other fish to interact with - when all of a sudden you get hooked and dragged into someplace you don't want to be.
Okay, maybe you haven't had this experience, but our emotional lives have some overlap with the life of a fish. Unhelpful thoughts often can catch us by surprise, hook us, and drag us away from our desire for peaceful, unbothered days. Before we know it, we’re being dragged away by doubt, fear, or stress.
These unhelpful thoughts might look like:
“I’m not good enough.”
“What if I fail?”
“Everyone will think I’m a fraud.”
“I should just give up.”
These thoughts pull you further and further from where you want to be. Instead of making decisions that move you toward your values—like trying something new, setting a boundary, or speaking up—you might get hooked and end up moving in a completely different direction.
When we get “hooked,” we are allowing unhelpful thoughts to steer our actions. When hooked, we might avoid situations, procrastinate, lash out, or act in ways that don’t reflect our true intentions.
The Choice Point helps us recognize these moments and make better decisions. The key to using the Choice Point is recognizing when you’re about to get hooked. This means paying attention to your thoughts and feelings and noticing when they’re pulling you away from your values.
Here are some signs that you’re at a Choice Point:
You feel a strong emotional reaction, like anxiety, fear, or anger.
You notice yourself having negative or self-critical thoughts.
You feel an urge to avoid something or lash out.
You feel disconnected from what you truly want in the moment.
When you recognize that you’re at a Choice Point, it’s like noticing that lure dangling in front of you. You can either let it pull you off course or you can choose to stay focused on where you were headed.
Here’s how you can use the Choice Point to make helpful decisions:
1. Pause and Notice the Thought (Recognize the Hook)
The first step is to pause and notice that you’ve been hooked. Take a moment to observe the thought or feeling that’s pulling at you. It might be something like, “I’m going to mess this up” or “I can’t handle this.” The goal here is simply to notice the thought without immediately reacting to it.
2. Label the Thought (Name the Bait)
Once you’ve noticed the thought, try labeling it. You might say to yourself, “I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough” or “I’m feeling anxious about this situation.” By labeling the thought, you create some distance from it. Instead of getting completely wrapped up in it, you can observe it from a different perspective and gain a little more control over the situation. It’s no longer just a force pulling you—it’s something you can observe and understand.
3. Decide: Toward or Away? (Stay Focused on Your Goal or Take the Bait)
Now that you’ve recognized and labeled the thought, you’re at the Choice Point. You have two options:
Move toward your values: Make a decision that aligns with what’s most important to you, even if it’s uncomfortable or difficult.
Move away from your values: Let the thought hook you and guide your actions, often leading you further from your goals.
To make this decision, ask yourself:
“Is this action moving me closer to or further from my values?”
“What would I do if I wasn’t hooked by this thought?”
“What choice aligns with who I want to be?”
For example, if you’re feeling anxious about a social event and having thoughts like “I don’t belong here,” you might pause and ask yourself, “What’s more important to me—avoiding discomfort or building meaningful connections?” If you value relationships and connection, you might decide to go to the event even if it feels uncomfortable.
4. Take Values-Driven Action
Once you’ve made your decision, take action that aligns with your values. This is the moment where you make a choice that reflects who you truly want to be. It might mean stepping outside your comfort zone, setting a boundary, or doing something difficult. The key is that you’re taking action based on your values, not just reacting to the thoughts pulling at you.
Practicing the Choice Point: Avoiding the Fish Hook
Using the Choice Point to make better decisions takes practice. Just like fishing, it requires patience and awareness. Here are a few tips for practicing the Choice Point in your daily life:
Stay Present: You are not your thoughts. Practice mindfulness to stay present and aware of your thoughts and feelings as separate from your core self. The more you can notice when you’re being hooked, the easier it becomes to make conscious decisions.
Identify Your Values: Take time to clarify your values. What’s most important to you? What kind of person do you want to be? Having a clear sense of your values will help you make better choices when you’re at the Choice Point.
Be Kind to Yourself: It’s normal to get hooked sometimes. Be kind to yourself when it happens, and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
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